Sorry I haven't posted in so long

I have no excuse for not posting except I have been struggling quite a bit and just didn't want to put it in writing for others to see I'm failing. Its depressing enough to myself. :(

I did really good in August, I only set one goal when I had the surgery and that was to be under 300 pounds on my birthday which was August 26th. On the morning of my birthday I was 299.4 so I did accomplish that. Then I sabotaged myself again. When I say sabotaged I'll explain what I mean. I did tell Dr. Bass this also. For such a long time my "fat" has been my security blanket from everything or at least that is what my brain thinks. When I do well and lose weight, it scares me because I realize I am losing part of my blanket and will have to deal with things somehow other than eating it away. I then start eating things I'm not supposed to eat, I think I do it more without realizing it until its done. I have to find a way to escape the "security blanket" feeling and I am not ashamed to say I need to be going to therapy to find out the reasons I eat the way I do, compulsively. I am a food addict and its just like someone that is an alcoholic or drug addict except I can't just put the food away and try to fight my addiction, there is food around me at all times. I'm working on trying to find a way to do therapy and hopefully that will somehow help.

I had lost 44 pounds as of my birthday and I saw the doctor yesterday for a fill and I weighed 310 pounds so I have gained 11 pounds and I HAVE to get it back off. I was having pains in my stomach and it was imflammed or aggravated from vomiting alot becuase of eating too much food. They took 2 ccs of fluid out and I started eating alot of food again. I called them and went back yesterday and got 1.5 ccs back in and have been on liquids until tonight.

I'm waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up to go to a lapband support group because they do help me alot and I have met alot of great friends through the group.

We had a speaker last meeting named Teresa White... she has quite a story. He had gastric bypass surgery several years ago and has lost over 230 pounds, I can't remember the exact amount. I have attached a photo of her before and after and you just can't believe it.

I am looking forward to her speaking again on November 12th. For any of you that have had surgery, she works for Bariatric Eating and they have a website of the most awesome recipes, premade protein drinks, powders, foods, etc. They also have a good online support group meeting every wednesday evening. Check is out here. http://www.bariatriceating.com/

If you talk to her or order anything mention that I told you about them, I get nothing for it, just want them to know I am spreading the word :)

Well... I will post next month with an update of my weight. I'm praying every day for the strength to just get through the day and thanking the Lord every night for helping me make it through. I will continue to do that every single day.

Thanks again for the emails I have received telling me to keep my chin up and to be proud of the weight that I have lost so far even thought I stumbled a little bit.

Love to all and I'll be posting soon.

July update! Its a good one

Hi everyone... Just wanted to pop in and tell you the update for July. I saw Dr. Bass on July 23rd and the GREAT NEWS is I lost 14 pounds this month for a grand total of 31 pounds so far. I'm so excited and feeling good. Haven't been really hungry except for late afternoon so I have a protein shake for breakfast and a protein shake for lunch and then around 5 i start getting a little growl in my stomach and I have dinner around 6 - 7 which consists of about 3 -5 ounces of protein, chicken salad, tuna salad or something like that with a few bites of vegetables, usually spinach, green beans or brussel sprouts. I'm not really missing the carbs right now which is a good thing. Although, I did pick up a loaf of Raisin bread for Ron the other day and I was drooling all afternoon, lol. Ended up slicing a couple of pieces for him for breakfast the next day and putting it in the freezer so I couldn't smell it. I still am cooking for Ron and to date that doesn't bother me much at all. He gets wierd about wanting to eat in front of me but it really doesn't bother me but I appreciate that he's thinking about it anyway. :)

I was having a little bit of trouble with vomiting about 10 minutes after I ate so I talked to Dr. Bass about it and he took 1/4 of a cc out of the band. Since then I have been hungry all the time, just that little amount made a big difference so I'm going back tomorrow and he's putting it back in. I much rather like not thinking about food than being hungry. I'm trying to get my 85 grams of protein in a day which is hard sometimes but I found this great little test tube things at Walmart for only 1.99 and they are fruit punch and blue raspberry flavored and they are 46 grams of protein in one vial. You can drink it with some water or I like to add them to about 4 ounces of crystal light and they go down well. I don't do them often because it is quite a zolt of protein, not that it will hurt me but I love the chocolate protein shakes too.

I have been going to every support group meeting I can find. I think I will have done 9 of them this month when Friday hits. They are very imforative and I have learned alot in them.

I will be following this post with another one of Teresa White, our speaker that came from Bariatric Eating to tell us her weight loss story and tell us about the great products that they have at the store in Pompano Beach. I'll be showing you her before and after photos too.