Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Been a while since I posted


Well, I see the last time I posted was when I was struggling and disappointed with my process. I'm still struggling alot but attended my first support group a couple of weeks ago and am getting myself back on track. I have been ill and also one of my friends who is also my next door neighbor got killed in a horrible car accident. She left a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. She was only 35 and I was cooking and staying close to her family trying to help them in anyway I could. Because I'm an emotional eater, i was heading to the frig about every 10 minutes trying to find something to eat and I can't use what happened as an excuse to eat and it wasn't, I just try to fill the voids with the food and it actually does make me feel better. I had my weight in again a week ago and went up almost 3 pounds again. Its so discouraging to go through the surgery and everything that you have to do to get the surgery to be failing myself with it. Again, Tiffany and Dr. Bass told me its normal and not to get discouraged. I had my 3rd fill and it did seem to do something, I can't eat much in the mornings so I drink lots of fluid and eat mid morning and it seems to go down ok. I've had a couple of episodes where I didn't chew my food small enough and it got stuck and came back up but I'm concentrating more on my chewing and timing my meals like I'm supposed to do. The only thing I'm not doing and I really HAVE to start doing is logging all of my food that I eat so I can keep track. You are more aware of what you are eating when you write it down. Even if its something I'm not supposed to have, I need to start writing it all on paper and see it, maybe that will help. :)

I told Tiffany I'm starting over from the start again, going back to the basics and trying to get myself on the right path. The next fill might make a huge difference too and my appointment is in 3 more weeks so hopefully I'll have a good drop by then. The above photo is Dr. Bass giving me the fill in my port.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Struggling and discouraged

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't written soon than this but I have been very disgusted with myself and the whole process. I had my first fill and then saw the doctor 2 weeks later which was about a week and a half a go for a second fill. I have noticed no difference from either of them and I'm eating quite a bit of food. I guess I had something in my head telling me when I did this is was going to be really easy and its not by any means. I am still struggling with my food addiction and my compulsive eating. I have to continue to determine when I think I'm hungry if its mental or physical and so far the mental is winning. I'm also still having a problem not drinking while I'm having my meals. I'm not eating the way I was eating before the surgery, my body couldnt' hold that much food I don't think at this point but Dr. Bass and Tiffany told me not to get discouraged, that its normal until they get me in the "green zone" which is eating a small portion of food for a meal and getting satisfied and not being hungry in between my meals. I'm really looking forward to that time. I'm down 13 pounds but its been 2 months today since surgery and I think it could be at least double that.
Would I do the surgery if I had it to do over again with what I know at this very moment, ABSOLUTELY!!! If I hadn't had the surgery I would probaby be 13 pounds heavier so its working, I just can't expect miracles overnight. It took a long time to put the weight on and it will take a while to get it back off.
Please hang in there with me and keep watching the posts. I see the doctor again this Thursday for a 3rd fill and I hope that will make at least a small difference from the last 2.
Have a great week and see you in the posts soon, DeAnna