Sorry I haven't posted in so long

I have no excuse for not posting except I have been struggling quite a bit and just didn't want to put it in writing for others to see I'm failing. Its depressing enough to myself. :(

I did really good in August, I only set one goal when I had the surgery and that was to be under 300 pounds on my birthday which was August 26th. On the morning of my birthday I was 299.4 so I did accomplish that. Then I sabotaged myself again. When I say sabotaged I'll explain what I mean. I did tell Dr. Bass this also. For such a long time my "fat" has been my security blanket from everything or at least that is what my brain thinks. When I do well and lose weight, it scares me because I realize I am losing part of my blanket and will have to deal with things somehow other than eating it away. I then start eating things I'm not supposed to eat, I think I do it more without realizing it until its done. I have to find a way to escape the "security blanket" feeling and I am not ashamed to say I need to be going to therapy to find out the reasons I eat the way I do, compulsively. I am a food addict and its just like someone that is an alcoholic or drug addict except I can't just put the food away and try to fight my addiction, there is food around me at all times. I'm working on trying to find a way to do therapy and hopefully that will somehow help.

I had lost 44 pounds as of my birthday and I saw the doctor yesterday for a fill and I weighed 310 pounds so I have gained 11 pounds and I HAVE to get it back off. I was having pains in my stomach and it was imflammed or aggravated from vomiting alot becuase of eating too much food. They took 2 ccs of fluid out and I started eating alot of food again. I called them and went back yesterday and got 1.5 ccs back in and have been on liquids until tonight.

I'm waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up to go to a lapband support group because they do help me alot and I have met alot of great friends through the group.

We had a speaker last meeting named Teresa White... she has quite a story. He had gastric bypass surgery several years ago and has lost over 230 pounds, I can't remember the exact amount. I have attached a photo of her before and after and you just can't believe it.

I am looking forward to her speaking again on November 12th. For any of you that have had surgery, she works for Bariatric Eating and they have a website of the most awesome recipes, premade protein drinks, powders, foods, etc. They also have a good online support group meeting every wednesday evening. Check is out here. http://www.bariatriceating.com/

If you talk to her or order anything mention that I told you about them, I get nothing for it, just want them to know I am spreading the word :)

Well... I will post next month with an update of my weight. I'm praying every day for the strength to just get through the day and thanking the Lord every night for helping me make it through. I will continue to do that every single day.

Thanks again for the emails I have received telling me to keep my chin up and to be proud of the weight that I have lost so far even thought I stumbled a little bit.

Love to all and I'll be posting soon.

July update! Its a good one

Hi everyone... Just wanted to pop in and tell you the update for July. I saw Dr. Bass on July 23rd and the GREAT NEWS is I lost 14 pounds this month for a grand total of 31 pounds so far. I'm so excited and feeling good. Haven't been really hungry except for late afternoon so I have a protein shake for breakfast and a protein shake for lunch and then around 5 i start getting a little growl in my stomach and I have dinner around 6 - 7 which consists of about 3 -5 ounces of protein, chicken salad, tuna salad or something like that with a few bites of vegetables, usually spinach, green beans or brussel sprouts. I'm not really missing the carbs right now which is a good thing. Although, I did pick up a loaf of Raisin bread for Ron the other day and I was drooling all afternoon, lol. Ended up slicing a couple of pieces for him for breakfast the next day and putting it in the freezer so I couldn't smell it. I still am cooking for Ron and to date that doesn't bother me much at all. He gets wierd about wanting to eat in front of me but it really doesn't bother me but I appreciate that he's thinking about it anyway. :)

I was having a little bit of trouble with vomiting about 10 minutes after I ate so I talked to Dr. Bass about it and he took 1/4 of a cc out of the band. Since then I have been hungry all the time, just that little amount made a big difference so I'm going back tomorrow and he's putting it back in. I much rather like not thinking about food than being hungry. I'm trying to get my 85 grams of protein in a day which is hard sometimes but I found this great little test tube things at Walmart for only 1.99 and they are fruit punch and blue raspberry flavored and they are 46 grams of protein in one vial. You can drink it with some water or I like to add them to about 4 ounces of crystal light and they go down well. I don't do them often because it is quite a zolt of protein, not that it will hurt me but I love the chocolate protein shakes too.

I have been going to every support group meeting I can find. I think I will have done 9 of them this month when Friday hits. They are very imforative and I have learned alot in them.

I will be following this post with another one of Teresa White, our speaker that came from Bariatric Eating to tell us her weight loss story and tell us about the great products that they have at the store in Pompano Beach. I'll be showing you her before and after photos too.

Been a while since I posted

Well, I see the last time I posted was when I was struggling and disappointed with my process. I'm still struggling alot but attended my first support group a couple of weeks ago and am getting myself back on track. I have been ill and also one of my friends who is also my next door neighbor got killed in a horrible car accident. She left a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. She was only 35 and I was cooking and staying close to her family trying to help them in anyway I could. Because I'm an emotional eater, i was heading to the frig about every 10 minutes trying to find something to eat and I can't use what happened as an excuse to eat and it wasn't, I just try to fill the voids with the food and it actually does make me feel better. I had my weight in again a week ago and went up almost 3 pounds again. Its so discouraging to go through the surgery and everything that you have to do to get the surgery to be failing myself with it. Again, Tiffany and Dr. Bass told me its normal and not to get discouraged. I had my 3rd fill and it did seem to do something, I can't eat much in the mornings so I drink lots of fluid and eat mid morning and it seems to go down ok. I've had a couple of episodes where I didn't chew my food small enough and it got stuck and came back up but I'm concentrating more on my chewing and timing my meals like I'm supposed to do. The only thing I'm not doing and I really HAVE to start doing is logging all of my food that I eat so I can keep track. You are more aware of what you are eating when you write it down. Even if its something I'm not supposed to have, I need to start writing it all on paper and see it, maybe that will help. :)

I told Tiffany I'm starting over from the start again, going back to the basics and trying to get myself on the right path. The next fill might make a huge difference too and my appointment is in 3 more weeks so hopefully I'll have a good drop by then. The above photo is Dr. Bass giving me the fill in my port.

Christmas Day was a struggle

My brother Phil, my mom Betty, my brother James and myself

My boyfriend Ron and I at moms for Chirstmas



My little toy poodle Pepi and I Christmas Day
***********************************************************************

I don't think my struggles right now are because it was Christmas, I think its just because I need to get my first fill which is January 7th. I can't wait.... I am hungry all the time, some of it is mental, just used to eating all day long before surgery. I do get hunger pains that people can hear across a room so I know I'm hungry when that happens. I'm sticking to my protein and some veggies but I will confess that Christmas Day at my moms, I did have 1 little homemade shortbread cookie and a little bite of chicken/dressing casserole. Mom made a couple of beef roasts and it was really good. I did NOT eat any of the potatoes but I did have a few baby carrots and some little baby onions. I've talked to some other people that have had lapband surgery and they said its pretty normal to be hungry before you get your first fill. Sometimes Dr. Bass said it might take 3 or 4 fills to get me where I need to be. When I eat, I don't notice a full feeling much at all. Ron and I went out to eat the other day and I ordered a steak but brought about 2/3 of it home for a couple more meals. I haven't weighed lately, my scale is not with the one in Dr. Bass's office anyway and i really need to go by his. I dont' want to keep getting off and on the scale becuase it can be a bit depressing and get me down if I dont' lose anything. i have talked to so many people now that have had the surgery and some of them aren't losing much at all (due to eating the wrong stuff I'm sure) and some of them have lost alot of weight in a short period of time. I'm trying not to think about my "big goal" which is losing 180 pounds it seems like I'll never get there but I know in a couple of years if I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing and listen to Dr. Bass and Tiffany that I will reach my goal. What a happy day that will be for sure. I told my niece Carrie the other day that she will have to take me shopping because I've been so big for so long, I don't even know how to shop for nice "in style" clothing. Of course, she is 24 and I'm 50 so I can't wear what she wears for sure. lol

I'm looking forward to the day I can walk in a store and buy whatever size I'm in (hopefully about a 12) and not have to try it on. That is a huge difference from the 4x I started at.

Making it through my family Christmas

Yesterday was my family Christmas. We do it the Saturday before Christmas every year so everyone that is married or has a significant other can visit on Christmas day. This year we had it at my niece Carries house in Sebring. It was her first time having the whole family, I think about 23 of us, at her new house and I think she has decided she will let mom do it again next year. She said she was stressed all week. lol.... It is a big job.

I had something I had never had before and YES, I was able to eat and enjoy my holiday with my family without being on broth and V8 juice. (woohoo)..... They cooked "trash can turkeys", I put a photo above of how they cook them. There is a stake with a little grate on it that goes in the ground and they put aluminim foil all around it on the ground, then the turkey is put down on the stake and rests on the grate. A brand new (not used, lol) metal trash can goes over the top of the turkey and sits on the alum. foil. Then they place charcoal around the entire trash can and on top of it. The turkey cooks in 90 minutes and its the best turkey I have ever had in my life. Juicy, tender and the flavor was out of this world. I can't believe how brown they came out too. There was alot of other food and when i made my plate my brothers said they have never seen my plate look so empty but I was satisfied with what I had to eat and it was nice getting to enjoy it with them.

My niece gave me a big bag of turkey to bring home too so I'll be enjoying it a little longer. I had a good day food wise, didnt' really crave the mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes with marshmallows or Carries famous homemade mac and cheese. The cookies didnt' bother me either so all in all it was a great day.

I want to introduce you to my doctor, Thomas Bass

Taken from the website for Dr. Thomas Bass in Hollywood, FL.
Dr. Thomas Bass, MD, FACS is a board-certified general surgeon specializing in bariatric surgery. Dr. Bass received his MD from the Medical College of Virginia and completed his surgical residency training at the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center at Pennsylvania State University. In addition, he completed fellowships in both Minimally Invasive Surgery and Surgical Critical Care and holds additional board certification in Surgical Critical Care. His interest in weight loss surgery began during his minimally invasive surgery fellowship, where he witnessed first-hand the life-changing effects that weight loss surgery can have. Dr. Bass is also a proctor for the Lap-Band System, and is responsible for training other surgeons in Florida that are interested in performing the procedure.

EDUCATlON & TRAINING
M.D., Medical College of Virginia
Fellowship, Minimally Invasive Surgery, The Milton S. Hershey Medical Center
Fellowship, Surgical Critical Care, The Milton S. Hershey Medical Center
Residency, Department of Surgery, Division of General Surgery, The Milton S. Hershey Medical Center
Internship, Department of Surgery, Division of General Surgery, The Milton S. Hershey Medical Center

Cerifications and Licensure
Board Certified, American Board of Surgery, General Surgery
Board Certified, American Board of Surgery, Surgical Critical Care
Medical License, State of Florida

Memberships
Member, American Society of Bariatric Surgeons
Member, Society of American Gastrointestinal Endoscopic Surgeons
Fellow, American College of Surgeons

For more information about Dr. Bass, please click on his name above and it will take you to the Hollywood Bariatrics website.

Checking in for an update

Just checking in to say hi to my blog followers and post a picture my boyfriend Ron took of me last Wednesday night the 10th, before a Christmas party with my cardmaking group that meets every Wednesday at our local Bettys Stamp Pad. They all went to Olive Garden and then back to the store to open gifts and have dessert. I didn't go to dinner, ate at home and met them at the store and took a sugar free pudding cup to have while they were doing their treats. I was very satisfied with the pudding and it didn't bother me seeing them eat the "Norman Love" treats.

On a more current note, I'm doing great, feeling good except for my bad right knee which is keeping me from the gym right now until I can get it where I can work out some. Had an injection in it yesterday and they again reminded me that I need a total right knee replacement. I'm hoping as the weight comes off, the pain will decrease and I can put the surgery off for a long time. I'm eating well, a little more than the 2 oz becuase I'm hungry at meal time but Tiffany said that is normal with the swelling going down in my stomach. I'm becoming more aware of my mental vs. physical hunger. When it think I'm hungry, I have a large glass of water and its going away until meal time. I'm not snacking in between meals either which is great. Its a big change from eating every hour on the hour before the surgery.

Watch my posts, I'm going to be posting about Dr. Bass, he's a great doctor and he and Tiffany are wonderful to work with. I would recommend him to anyone and everyone no matter where you are located. I also have to say again that the stay at Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, FL was an experience in itself. The staff was great and I felt like a princess in my room. Not the treatment I'm usually used to but a very wonderful experience.

First check up and first weigh in

Yesterday was my first check up appointment with Dr. Bass and my first weigh in since surgery. I am very happy to report that I lost 10 pounds. I'm down to 329 pounds and I dont' mind posting my weight since I'll be losing every month when I go back for check ups. In 4 weeks, i will go back and probably get my first fill. Dr. Bass said it might take 3 or 4 times to get the band right. I'm enjoying my little meals and feel satisfied but not full when I have them. Its just so nice to have some regular food and to be able to chew again. I asked about gum but they dont' want me chewing gum because it triggers the brain to think your eating and could make me more hungry when I'm really not. Now the part I really have to work hard at is determining whether I'm having physical or mental hunger and with an eating disorder and compulsive overeating and binging and also being a food addict, this will be the hardest part of my journey. The lapband is just a tool, i still have to do all the hard work and not try to cheat around the band in order to be a success and I'm going to be a success for sure. I'm going to be going to some support groups through the doctors office and also thinking of finding an overeaters anonymous group I can attend at least once a week too. I am a horrible food addict, I think of food every minute of everyday unless I'm asleep and I have to learn to control that in order to make the band work for me. I"m looking forward to the journey and I know its not going to be easy in any way, the hard work is still up to me like Dr. Bass said and I want to be a success for not only myself but to my family and friends and to Dr. Bass and Tiffany too.
Keep checking my blog for future updates and journaling.

Its been a great week so far

Just wanted to drop in and post a little today. I'm dealing with my mental part of this very well i think.... I am realizing after many years that food really isn't that big of a deal in massive proportaions. I think its been a habit and of course I'm an emotional eater. I have been so compulsive with my eating for many years I didn't even think anything about it. I did see a psychologist to get an evaluation before being approved for surgery and through talking to him I realized that my out of control eating started when I lost my grandmother in 1994. I was heavy before but no where near this heavy and I wasn't compulsively eating, just eating the wrong foods, fast food, pie, cakes, etc. My grandmother raised me and I was very close to her, as close as I have ever been to anyone and dont' think I'll ever feel that again. She was the big love in my life and my reason for being the person that I am today. She was a very caring and loving person and a crafty person and it all rubbed off on me. She got brain cancer in 1994 and chose to not do any chemo or radiation treatments. She lived 9 weeks from the time we found out but it was a good 9 weeks and I stayed with her from the time she woke up until she went to bed at night. When granny passed away we didn't have a funeral or a memorial service which was what she wanted so I really didn't get to say goodbye to her in the traditional way. I really believe that I have been trying to fill the void of her not being here with food to comfort me. Its an eye opener that has come 14 years after her death.
I truly believe I will be able to conquer this eating demon that I have, the lapband surely is going to help that since I can't eat the way I was eating before. Also with alot of prayer with my Lord and Savior and asking for patience and strength will get me through. I also have alot of support from my boyfriend Ron, my family and my friends.
Tomorrow is my first doctors appt. since the surgery and I can't wait to get weighed and see how I did. I will be posting when I get home with the good news!!

Todays a happy day

Since the swelling has gone down so much in my stomach and I'm actually getting hunger pains, I got to start my protein a little early. Last night I had a little ground turkey and cheese and this morning I had a scrambled egg with about a pinch of low fat shredded mozarella cheese. It felt good to finally be able to chew and has made my attitude a whole lot better. I got full with what I ate and didn't have any problems. I'm looking forward to trying different things and experimenting different cooking methods. It was so great to chew again, you have no idea. I feel great and I feel like I've lost a little bit of weight. i see the doctor on Thursday for a weigh in and check up so I'll post them and let you know how I did.

Had a tough weekend after surgery

The weekend was tough, wanting to eat, missing food, but it will get better. I have been on liquids now for 15 days and have 6 more days to go. Tiffany at Dr. Bass's office said my hunger is more mental than physical right now. The swelling has went down quite a bit in my stomach and I'm alot more comfortable. I see the doctor on Thursday and can't wait to weigh in and see how I'm doing. I will post the end of the week and let you know how I did. thanks again to everyone for their posts, comments and emails on my decision to do the Lapband Surgery. It took me a while to decide to do it and after having a few regrets, I'm feeling better about the whole situation. I'm excited to lose the weight and feel good about myself and be able to wear some really cute clothes. Can't find many "cute" things in a 4X. lol

For those of you that are doing it the conventional way of exercising and watching what you eat, my brother Phil is a Personal Trailer and has a very informative and helpful site full of tips, stories, etc.

Check it out here: http://brayfitness.blogspot.com/

I'm home from the hospital and doing well

Just wanted to pop on and let everyone know that I'm back home and doing good. Still in alot of pain but the surgery went well. The swelling in my stomach is the most painful and the incision for the port on the upper left side of my stomach. When I got home on Tuesday evening, I was hurting so bad that I was wishing I hadn't done it and wanting a burger and fries. lol.... I know its just the pain and discomfort and when that goes away and I start losing weight, I'll be glad that I did it.
I'll be posting next week when i see the doctor on Thursday for my first weight in since going on liquids the end of November.

Thanks again for the love, support and inspiration i have received.

The story begins on my Weight Loss Journey

My weight loss journey has begun. Alot of my blog subscribers have asked me to document my progress so its starting now. My lapband surgery is Monday morning at 6 am in Hollywood, FL with Dr. Thomas Bass. I am very nervous, scared and excited all at the same time. I have been waiting for this for a long time and I'm looking forward to posting pics every few months of my progress. I have been on liquids since last Sunday morning and will be on liquids for 2 more weeks after sugery, then I can graduate to soft purreed foods and then regular foods. The Fort Myers News Press here in town is going to be doing an ongoing story with updates on my progress also and I will be posting those links here. Thank you to everyone that has helped me to get to this point and thanks for all the support, inspiration emails and phone calls, I appreciate them all more than you know. Watch for future updates. I have attached my "Before" photos so you can see where I'm starting.

To read about my story from the beginning click here;Chapter One: A rocky start in North Fort Myers