Sorry I haven't posted in so long

I have no excuse for not posting except I have been struggling quite a bit and just didn't want to put it in writing for others to see I'm failing. Its depressing enough to myself. :(

I did really good in August, I only set one goal when I had the surgery and that was to be under 300 pounds on my birthday which was August 26th. On the morning of my birthday I was 299.4 so I did accomplish that. Then I sabotaged myself again. When I say sabotaged I'll explain what I mean. I did tell Dr. Bass this also. For such a long time my "fat" has been my security blanket from everything or at least that is what my brain thinks. When I do well and lose weight, it scares me because I realize I am losing part of my blanket and will have to deal with things somehow other than eating it away. I then start eating things I'm not supposed to eat, I think I do it more without realizing it until its done. I have to find a way to escape the "security blanket" feeling and I am not ashamed to say I need to be going to therapy to find out the reasons I eat the way I do, compulsively. I am a food addict and its just like someone that is an alcoholic or drug addict except I can't just put the food away and try to fight my addiction, there is food around me at all times. I'm working on trying to find a way to do therapy and hopefully that will somehow help.

I had lost 44 pounds as of my birthday and I saw the doctor yesterday for a fill and I weighed 310 pounds so I have gained 11 pounds and I HAVE to get it back off. I was having pains in my stomach and it was imflammed or aggravated from vomiting alot becuase of eating too much food. They took 2 ccs of fluid out and I started eating alot of food again. I called them and went back yesterday and got 1.5 ccs back in and have been on liquids until tonight.

I'm waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up to go to a lapband support group because they do help me alot and I have met alot of great friends through the group.

We had a speaker last meeting named Teresa White... she has quite a story. He had gastric bypass surgery several years ago and has lost over 230 pounds, I can't remember the exact amount. I have attached a photo of her before and after and you just can't believe it.

I am looking forward to her speaking again on November 12th. For any of you that have had surgery, she works for Bariatric Eating and they have a website of the most awesome recipes, premade protein drinks, powders, foods, etc. They also have a good online support group meeting every wednesday evening. Check is out here. http://www.bariatriceating.com/

If you talk to her or order anything mention that I told you about them, I get nothing for it, just want them to know I am spreading the word :)

Well... I will post next month with an update of my weight. I'm praying every day for the strength to just get through the day and thanking the Lord every night for helping me make it through. I will continue to do that every single day.

Thanks again for the emails I have received telling me to keep my chin up and to be proud of the weight that I have lost so far even thought I stumbled a little bit.

Love to all and I'll be posting soon.

July update! Its a good one

Hi everyone... Just wanted to pop in and tell you the update for July. I saw Dr. Bass on July 23rd and the GREAT NEWS is I lost 14 pounds this month for a grand total of 31 pounds so far. I'm so excited and feeling good. Haven't been really hungry except for late afternoon so I have a protein shake for breakfast and a protein shake for lunch and then around 5 i start getting a little growl in my stomach and I have dinner around 6 - 7 which consists of about 3 -5 ounces of protein, chicken salad, tuna salad or something like that with a few bites of vegetables, usually spinach, green beans or brussel sprouts. I'm not really missing the carbs right now which is a good thing. Although, I did pick up a loaf of Raisin bread for Ron the other day and I was drooling all afternoon, lol. Ended up slicing a couple of pieces for him for breakfast the next day and putting it in the freezer so I couldn't smell it. I still am cooking for Ron and to date that doesn't bother me much at all. He gets wierd about wanting to eat in front of me but it really doesn't bother me but I appreciate that he's thinking about it anyway. :)

I was having a little bit of trouble with vomiting about 10 minutes after I ate so I talked to Dr. Bass about it and he took 1/4 of a cc out of the band. Since then I have been hungry all the time, just that little amount made a big difference so I'm going back tomorrow and he's putting it back in. I much rather like not thinking about food than being hungry. I'm trying to get my 85 grams of protein in a day which is hard sometimes but I found this great little test tube things at Walmart for only 1.99 and they are fruit punch and blue raspberry flavored and they are 46 grams of protein in one vial. You can drink it with some water or I like to add them to about 4 ounces of crystal light and they go down well. I don't do them often because it is quite a zolt of protein, not that it will hurt me but I love the chocolate protein shakes too.

I have been going to every support group meeting I can find. I think I will have done 9 of them this month when Friday hits. They are very imforative and I have learned alot in them.

I will be following this post with another one of Teresa White, our speaker that came from Bariatric Eating to tell us her weight loss story and tell us about the great products that they have at the store in Pompano Beach. I'll be showing you her before and after photos too.

Doing great - finally losing steady...

Well it has been a little while since I posted. Dr. Bass gave me a fill on June 25th and it was a pretty big one. Since then I am dropping weight pretty steadily and I'm very happy about that. i was getting very depressed with the whole thing and pretty disgusted as those of you that are keeping track of me know. Honestly, I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing but I was hungry all the time and I do mean all of the time. Alot was mental hunger too but I was having a hard time trying to distinguish the difference, I just wanted to fill my face with food, any food.
I saw my family doctor yesterday and finally hit 30 pounds gone. WOOHOO... 30 pounds is awesome. I'm not even going to think that it could be double that if I had done the work i was supposed to do becauase I'm losing and I'm on my way down.... It feels good now that people are noticing that I'm losing.
My good friend Vicki and I went to a lapband support group last night and there was a guy Raymond there that I had seen and talked to before a couple of months ago and he noticed I had lost and it made me feel really good. Ron still doesn't notice but he's around me 7 days a week so its hard for him to see the small amounts. Hopefully he'll come home one day from work and notice it. :) The group was great and very informative. I do feel better going to the group meetings so I'm trying to hit as many of them as I can. Its keeps me positive and the other members inspire me.
I go for another visit with Dr. Bass this month on the 23rd so I'll be posting then with new progress.
Thanks again for those that are subscribing to my blog and keeping track of me and giving me encouragement, I really appreciate it.
Hugs to all and have a great July!!

Lapband vs. Eating Disorders

I named this post Lapband vs. eating disorders because that is my fight with the weight loss. I got the lapband done which as Dr. Bass has indicated over and over again, is just a tool to help you lose weight, you still have to do all the hard work. Its not a quick fix or the easy way out by any means. I'm beginning to wonder if I should have went with the gastric bypass but then I think of stories I have heard from other people and reading online of the number of people who have died from doing it. It is a little too drastic for me and I promised my family I wouldn't go to that extreme.
I saw Dr. Bass on Thursday and I gained 3 pounds. The band is NOT the problem here, its me and my eating disorder. The band didnt' fix the compulsive over eating and the binging and food addiction. That is still there and I'm struggling with it every single day.
I eat things I'm not supposed to eat and I am still having a big problem with not drinking with my meals. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a bottle of green tea with me at ALL times and its hard to put it down for just 1 hour. Maybe another addiction???
I have to get back on track and follow all of the instructions from top to bottom and I know I will be very successful. I'm a little bothered by the fact that next Monday will be 6 months since I had the surgery and I'm only down 17 pounds. Not happy with that at all but only one person to blame for it and that is ME!!! I have to get my eating under control and not sure how to do it.
I'm going to start back tomorrow measuring all of my food (which I haven't done since surgery), I need to invest in a small food scale and eat the proper amounts. Sometimes I can eat and sometimes I can't, sometimes it gets stuck (not eating it well enough could be the problem) and it comes back up.
I can't eat in the mornings at all, the band is tight and I have to wait until around 10 or after to have my first meal. I have found also that I can't eat after 7 in the evening or it makes me sick too. Salads are going so well so I have pushed those aside until later when I can try them again. I'm staying away from the breads, potatoes, etc. that I'm not supposed to have but I will confess that I did eat some chocolate cake and I know that is a NO NO big time!
I will post the end of next week and let you know my progress. Going to weigh in the morning and see how I do all week.
Good luck to all of you that have had the surgery that are reading my blog, please don't be discouraged by anything I write because THE BAND IS NOT THE PROBLEM, its ME!!!
If you do what the doctor tells you to do, you will be very successful with the lapband, I know several people that did the surgery around the same time I did and they have lost up to 50 pounds already, they are doing what they are supposed to be doing and you can tell by the progress they are making.
Until next time, have a great week!!!

Found the article from Entertainment Tonight

Here is the article from ET.

http://www.etonline.com/celebrities/2005/05/35068/index.html

Update from last doctors visit

I saw Dr. Bass on the 26th of April and it was good news. I lost 11 pounds the month of April for a total of 20. That made me feel good but I'm struggling now for the last week, wanting to eat every 10 minutes and eating quite a bit again. It seems like I get to the 20 pound mark and my body freaks out and wants the weight back on. Sounds crazy but my food is my comfort and it scares me to lose it because I feel like my cover is going. That is part of the eating disorder.

I haven't posted links here on the blog for the newspaper story that was written in the local paper and Entertainment Tonight came to my house and did a story on myself and my roommate at the time who has anorexia. i have put the links below so you can read up on them. its pretty much my whole life history and most of the reasons I compulsively overeat and binge. Please feel free to email me at deannabray3@aol.com, jewelrybydeanna@yahoo.com or post here to the group if you want to make comments or ask any questions.

NEWS PRESS STORY - it was in the paper 6 days in a row.

Chapter 1: http://www.news-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280002/

Chapter 2: http://www.news-press.com/article/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280001

Chapter 3: http://www.news-press.com/article/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280003

Chapter 4: http://www.news-press.com/article/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280004

Chapter 5: http://www.news-press.com/article/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280005

Chapter 6: http://www.news-press.com/article/99999999/LIFESTYLES/109280006


I haven't weighed since I saw Dr. Bass the end of last month, I see him again the end of this month and I hope I do better than I am right now, might need some more fill.

I'll keep you posted!
DeAnna

Moving along slow but sure

I see Dr. Bass this Thursday, not sure if I will get a fill or not, doing well, cheated a couple of times but other than that, the weight is still coming off little by little. Will post Thursday after I see the doctor and let you know where I'm at.
Thanks to everyone that has emailed me or called me encouraging me during the slow times. I appreciate it more than you know.
Hugs to all and will post more on Thursday

I'm doing great!!

I'm so happy to report that the band is working with the last fill and the weight is coming off. I had a fill the end of March and i have lost 15 more pounds for a total of 23 pounds now. I see the doctor again on the 23rd of this month and I'm probably not going to need a fill this time. I can only eat a small amount of food and I'm very satisfied and I am not thinking about food 24 hours a day like I was before. I would be eating my breakfast thinking about what I could have for a snack and lunch and I would be eating lunch thinking about what I could have for dinner, the food thought was always there. A couple of days ago I got so busy with my jewelry that I missed lunch and it was almost 4 in the afternoon. I have to eat 3 meals a day with no snacks and I'm not having a problem with that at all. I'm very happy that its finally working and I'm on my way down. This weekend I'm going out of town to my moms for Easter dinner with my whole family and will post a couple of pictures tomorrow.
Happy Easter to everyone, have a safe and happy Holiday!

Update on my progress

Well, its been a while since I posted again, been very discouraged, today is 4 months since I had my surgery and I'm finally in the 'green" zone where they want me. I have my 4th fill last Thursday, another 2ccs and I'm on able to eat a small portion of food and am getting full and really not thinking about eating, yesterday I actually forgot to eat lunch and wasn't really too hungry at dinner time. No snacks in between which I'm very proud of. Since last Wednesday the scale says I have lost 7 pounds so I'm happy with that. I'm just glad that I'm finally going in the right direction. The doctor did tell me if could take up to 5 fills to get me where I need to be. I have been telling everyone that wanted to know why the band wasn't working that its not the band really that is not working. I didn't have enough fill in the band yet to help me get full and not want to eat and also I honestly was not doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was hungry so I was eating and I was eating things I wasn't supposed to eat. I was also drinking my green tea with my meals and I'm supposed to go 30 minutes before a meal, during my meal, and 30 minutes after my meal WITHOUT liquids. That is hard for me since most of you that know me know I have a bottle of tea in my hand at all times. lol.... I'm just glad to be on the right track and I'll post more often on how I'm doing as I go. I see Dr. Bass again on April 23rd and I'll post my progress and a new photo at that time.
Hope everyone is well and thanks for keeping track of me, it means alot and I appreciate all the inspirational emails I have received too.

Been a while since I posted

Well, I see the last time I posted was when I was struggling and disappointed with my process. I'm still struggling alot but attended my first support group a couple of weeks ago and am getting myself back on track. I have been ill and also one of my friends who is also my next door neighbor got killed in a horrible car accident. She left a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. She was only 35 and I was cooking and staying close to her family trying to help them in anyway I could. Because I'm an emotional eater, i was heading to the frig about every 10 minutes trying to find something to eat and I can't use what happened as an excuse to eat and it wasn't, I just try to fill the voids with the food and it actually does make me feel better. I had my weight in again a week ago and went up almost 3 pounds again. Its so discouraging to go through the surgery and everything that you have to do to get the surgery to be failing myself with it. Again, Tiffany and Dr. Bass told me its normal and not to get discouraged. I had my 3rd fill and it did seem to do something, I can't eat much in the mornings so I drink lots of fluid and eat mid morning and it seems to go down ok. I've had a couple of episodes where I didn't chew my food small enough and it got stuck and came back up but I'm concentrating more on my chewing and timing my meals like I'm supposed to do. The only thing I'm not doing and I really HAVE to start doing is logging all of my food that I eat so I can keep track. You are more aware of what you are eating when you write it down. Even if its something I'm not supposed to have, I need to start writing it all on paper and see it, maybe that will help. :)

I told Tiffany I'm starting over from the start again, going back to the basics and trying to get myself on the right path. The next fill might make a huge difference too and my appointment is in 3 more weeks so hopefully I'll have a good drop by then. The above photo is Dr. Bass giving me the fill in my port.

Struggling and discouraged

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't written soon than this but I have been very disgusted with myself and the whole process. I had my first fill and then saw the doctor 2 weeks later which was about a week and a half a go for a second fill. I have noticed no difference from either of them and I'm eating quite a bit of food. I guess I had something in my head telling me when I did this is was going to be really easy and its not by any means. I am still struggling with my food addiction and my compulsive eating. I have to continue to determine when I think I'm hungry if its mental or physical and so far the mental is winning. I'm also still having a problem not drinking while I'm having my meals. I'm not eating the way I was eating before the surgery, my body couldnt' hold that much food I don't think at this point but Dr. Bass and Tiffany told me not to get discouraged, that its normal until they get me in the "green zone" which is eating a small portion of food for a meal and getting satisfied and not being hungry in between my meals. I'm really looking forward to that time. I'm down 13 pounds but its been 2 months today since surgery and I think it could be at least double that.
Would I do the surgery if I had it to do over again with what I know at this very moment, ABSOLUTELY!!! If I hadn't had the surgery I would probaby be 13 pounds heavier so its working, I just can't expect miracles overnight. It took a long time to put the weight on and it will take a while to get it back off.
Please hang in there with me and keep watching the posts. I see the doctor again this Thursday for a 3rd fill and I hope that will make at least a small difference from the last 2.
Have a great week and see you in the posts soon, DeAnna

I had my first fill today

Today was my doctors appt. for my first fill... First of all the great news, I have lost just shy of 18 pounds which I'm very happy and excited about. Been a long time since I have lost that amount of weight. I'm 321.4 and can't wait to get to 299. :)
Dr. Bass used a little ultrasound machine to make sure of the location of the port and added 2 cc's to it. He said I may not notice a change at all or I would notice some, everyone is different. I see him again in 2 weeks to see if I'm noticing it, if not, he will add some more.
I noticed some of the people in a laband group that I'm in http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/floridabandsters/ were posting about their bands being tight and I couldn't figure out what in the world they were talking about so instead of asking them, I knew I was seeing the doctor this morning and I asked him, he said its actually a very good question. He said that most of the time, the patients that feel that is a pain in the center of the chest under the breasts and it feels like liquids or foods are sitting in there and not going down. They said its very important to keep the throat and esophygus lubricated with fluids and that will help that from happening. The ones that feel it in the mornings is because they have gone all night while sleeping with no liquids going down.
One of the problems I have been having and really the main one is, I am used to drinking from the time I get up in the mornings until I go to bed at night and its been hard for me to NOT drink while I'm eating my meals. I haven't done it much at all since surgery so I'm not giving my pouch the time for me to feel the "full feeling". I have to work on that most of all.
I told them I'm feeling hungry all the time and they said that is very normal. It could take up to 5 fills Dr. Bass said to get me in the "green zone" which is being satisfied with small amounts of food and not wanting to snack in between meals. Of course, I still have to deal with the mental hunger that I have from being used to eating all day long and whatever I want.
I'm on the right path and very happy that I made the decision to have the surgery.
Until next time, hugs and blessings to you all
DeAnna

Happy 2009

My mom and I in Biloxi Mississippi 1994
One of my favorite Glamour Shots 1994

Well a new year is on us and I hope its a great one for everyone, full of love, happiness, good health and prosperity. This year was the first year in a long long time that my New years resolution was NOT to go on a diet. I do need to figure out my mind this year and listen to my stomach instead of my head. I'm struggling a bit, eating more food than I thought I would be able to and not really getting a full feeling when I eat. I even went to a chinese buffet which is my favorite food. I stayed away from any rice or noodles, etc. I enjoyed some shrimp, crab meat, a piece of chicken and some mushrooms. I did have one of those little puffy pieces of bread that they roll in sugar, I shouldn't have had that I know. I think I did pretty good though. I see Dr. Bass in 2 days for my first fill and I hope that will make a difference. I weighed on my scale here at home and it says I'm 323.8 but I'm not sure the scale is correct. I'll post my weight when I see the doctor on Wednesday. I started at 339 at his office so that would mean I have lost 15.2 pounds in 33 days. I would love for that to be correct but with the amount of food I have been eating, I'm not sure that is right. I'm having a little bit of a hard time with the fluid thing. I'm not supposed to have anything to drink 30 minutes before my meals, during my meal, or 30 minutes after my meal. For those of you that know me personally, you know I have a bottle of diet green tea with me at all times and that has been really hard for me not to drink for that hour. I need to work on that more. I also have not had my protein shake for a couple of weeks, I have been eating well over the amount of protein I'm supposed to have in a day so I didn't think I needed that too. I will talk to Dr. Bass and Tiffany about that when I see them this week. I'm also struggling with the hunger all day, my stomach does growl which means I'm reall hungry but in between I mentally think I'm hungry and I have to really work around that one. Starting today, I'm going to drink a glass of tap water when I feel like I'm hungry and see if that doesn't make it go away. I'm keeping busy with making cards and jewelry but I still get that urge to want to eat.

I have attached a few photos of myself when I had lost 94 pounds back in 1994. I can't wait to get back down to this weight, I was about 174 in these pictures and my goal is 165 so if I can get back to this, I would be very very happy. :)

See you in a couple of days!!